


We Are Shining Stars

by Basiltons_Charmed_Life



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Anal, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, B!Baz, B!Simon, Baz is sad and so is Simon but they don't show each other that cause they are stupid boys, Blindfolds, Blowjobs, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, I promise they work it all out, I'm Going to Hell, M/M, Post-Break Up, Rimming, There will be smut so little ones please look away, handjobs, like i said i'm going to hell, tied up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:38:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6639880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basiltons_Charmed_Life/pseuds/Basiltons_Charmed_Life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been five years since Baz and Simon broke up and Baz is a mess much like Simon. Though Baz has no true intentions to reconcile with his true love, fate, much like the crucible has other plans for him. </p><p>Or, the post-carry on world no one expected but when two people suffer so much its much harder to put themselves together and find home again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

** Baz  **

Five years.

It has been five achingly long and painful years since Baz has seen the love of his life. It has been five years of staring at every blank space and reliving every memory Baz has shared with his love since he was a scared 11 year old, lost without a mother and through the Crucible suddenly felt more whole than he ever thought he could, by simply locking his grey lifeless eyes with a pair of strikingly beautiful blue ones.

 _Is this really how it will be?_ Baz asks himself this, as he stares up at his ceiling at 3am wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers that contrast the pale whiteness of his skin. Baz asks himself if this is as good as his life will ever get? Him. Just him. Alone at 3am wanting to hold and kiss and love a body he can no longer have, but instead holding his sixth beer and feeling nothing, not even a buzz, not even a spark. Baz wonders if he is immortal. He wonders if that would change anything. Probably not. If he is, all it means is that he will be doing this exact same thing for a lot longer and a become lot more numb.

_This is as good as it gets._

XXX

** Fiona  **

There are a lot of things that Fiona simply will not stand for, and the World of Mages are well aware of this fact. If Fiona is not happy about something she will let everyone know and someone or something will pay in one way or another. However, if there is one thing Fiona cannot stand more than anything it’s self-pity. And she is all about ready to give her nephew back to the numpties if she sees him wallowing in his own pity party anymore.

“Get. Your. Ass. Up. NOW!” Fiona all but yells at Baz as she throws his covers off his bed, letting the multiple empty beer bottles smash onto the floor as they fall. Baz simply grunts and whines and moans and plants his face into his pillow.

“I mean it Basilton, I am sick and tired of this! It’s been five fucking years since you left that curly sod you have been obsessed with forever and it’s time you either -”

“You have said this to me for the last five years what makes you suddenly think I am going to do as you say now aunt Fi?” Baz interrupts in a bored tone, voice muffled as his face is still in his pillow.

“You will listen to me now, because if you do not I swear on your mother's grave I will send you to those fucking numpties and let you rot there.” Fiona says.

Baz lifts himself off his bed and plants himself right in front of Fiona, noses almost touching. “You. Wouldn’t. Dare.” Baz sneers.

“Oh Basilton, you know I would. So if you do not want that, I suggest you either 1. Get dressed, call one of your friends from Watford or uni and go out and meet a nice bloke or 2. Get your phone and call him, do not ask who because you know exactly who I am talking about.” Fiona says holding Baz’s phone in her palm, offering it to him.

“He would just hang up on me.” Baz says, in a voice so soft and so little Fiona almost missed it.

“I think the reason you have been too scared to call this entire time, is because you know for a fact he wouldn’t.” Fiona says in a gentle tone, a tone both surprising both Baz and Fiona.

Baz hesitates. Fiona sees the torturing internal battle he is having with himself, it’s a similar battle that he had five years prior, the battle that caused all this mess in the first place. She wishes she could tell him what to do, she wishes she could simply cast a spell that would make him grab the phone and dial the number he has been wanting to for so long, she knows there is a spell. But she can’t, she cannot make this choice for him, she has to let him go, and hope he finds his way home.

“I..I can’t.” Baz says as he sighs and deflates onto his bed.

Fiona sighs disappointingly and puts his phone on his dresser. Another day she thinks. Another day will be the day he does it. “Fine then. Go out, meet someone, feel something again.” Fiona says pulling out black skinny jeans with holes cut in the knees and a blood red t-shirt that scoops down to Baz’s collarbones, and chucks the items at him.

She looks at him, watches how he looks to the floor with nothing in his eyes, as he feels the clothing with no purpose or life to his movements, watches how his black hair swoops down and covers his eyes and he does not move it like he used too.

“I mean it Baz.” Fiona says.

Baz looks up at her and offers a small smile, it’s tired, “Can’t let you send me back to the numpties can I?” Baz says. He means to play it off as a joke but the tears forming in his eyes tell otherwise.

“No, we can’t.”

XXX

** Baz  **

“Mate you look great! Hoping to pull tonight eh? There are a few good looking blokes who I’m sure would be into ya!” Niall exclaims happily, already drunk off a few pints as Baz slides into the booth with Niall and his friends Baz does not know.

“Thanks Niall, I am positive I can lure a few gentleman in by simply being my mysterious and elegant self.” Baz says hauntingly, gracefully hiding how every word felt like choking back vomit at the mere thought of taking someone home that wasn't his true love. Fuck how did he let this happen?

Niall seems delighted by Baz’s reply however as he laughs and clutches his stomach. Definitely drunk, Baz decides.

“ Oh I’m sure mate, just don’t go spelling anybody, we are amongst Normals here.” Niall proclaims as if Baz did not already know.

“Thank you Niall I completely forgot that fact. Excuse me though I am going to the gents, lets hope I don’t accidently spell anybody into bodily fluids hm?” Baz says as he leaves the booth and a Niall who is now crying of laughter as if Baz is the funniest man - vampire - alive.

 _At least I have a good effect on some people,_ Baz thinks.

The bathroom is filled with graffiti and quotes from people that have something to say and things to tell someone. Some of the words mean nothing:  
“fuck”  
“Asshole”  
“Diiiiiiiiiiicks”.  
Some do:  
“I am not a riddle to be solved”  
“All part of the story”  
“We agreed to love each other madly.” Baz tries not to think about the last one.

He goes to the sink and washes his face and thinks of drowning, and he wonders if he could drown and wonders if he is invincible. He hopes he isn’t, because there are people out there better than him that actually deserve to be. He gives himself a short pep talk to will himself to go back out to the pub and do what he came here to do when fate, much like the crucible, has other plans for him.

He turns around and bumps directly into someone. They are shorter than him, their forehead touching his nose. Blonde curly hair, blue blue eyes, freckles, moles, lips meant to be kissed by Baz that are gaped open (mouth breather) as grey locks with blue.

“Baz.” Simon says breathlessly, barely even a whisper before he falls into Baz’s arms completely lifeless.

He fainted.

Baz lifts him up bridal style and without second thought and without any questioning as to whether this is a good or dangerous idea, he walks briskly out of the bathroom, out of the pub, onto the street and into a cab to go back to his flat with his boy's body in his arms, two words and only two words filling his head more urgently and more loudly than ever before:

_Simon Snow._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know its been 84 years since the date I promised to have this up but I got very busy with work commitments and had no time! but alas it is here now and the only person I want to thank is the beautiful Cypress who is my lovely beta, who without nothing in this fic would be grammatically correct.

**Simon**

 

Simon’s head feels heavy and his vision is distorted and out of focus when his eyes first open. As the picture becomes more clear it only leaves him more confused. 

 

The room he is in is not like any room he has been in before, the walls are a dark grey and no light is coming through and it feels as if no one has ever lived here. But the smell, the smell in the sheets and the pillow is all too familiar. It is a smell that used to mean safe, protected, calm, love. 

 

It’s Baz. 

 

It is then that Simon remembers bumping into his long lost love and seeing his grey eyes filled with shock and panic but also sadness and so much tiredness that Simon was so overwhelmed that he fainted straight into his ex’s arms. 

 

Definitely not his finest moment nor how he wanted to greet Baz again if he ever got the chance. 

 

Looking around this room Simon knows it's the same flat Baz had back when they were together, he knows this because of the peculiar stain on the ceiling that looks strangely like a penis;

 

_ “Basilton, why does your ceiling have a penis shaped stain on it?” Simon asked as he cuddled into Baz’s naked chest, still sweaty from their Breaking In Baz’s New Bed sex they had not even five minutes ago.  _

 

“ _ I assume the previous inhabitants knew that their flat would be lived in by a shamelessly gay vampire and wanted to give him a little housewarming gift Snow.” Baz said smirking as he looks down at Simon’s face.  _

 

Simon rubs his hand over his face roughly to get the thoughts of when they were happy and together out of his mind, but that proves difficult as he is literally in the home of the man who broke his heart so long ago, yet it feels like it only happened yesterday. 

 

The sound of pots and pans banging together and the smell of bacon and toast wakes Simon out of the Baz haze he seems to never be able to leave, and forces him out of the bed. Still in his clothes from the night before, he braces himself before entering the living room. 

 

XXX

No matter what mental preparation Simon did prior, nothing could prepare him for seeing Baz wearing low cut loose sweats, with bed hair and no shirt, making breakfast. 

 

_ All I do is lose,  _ Simon thinks. 

 

Simon closes the bedroom door and Baz turns around swiftly at the sound, staring at Simon wide-eyed and off guard. 

 

“Shit, Simon you scared me! Let me just-” Baz stammers as he goes to the sofam grabs a shirt off it and pulls it over his head. 

 

Simon frowns. 

 

“Yeah well, karma for last night,” Simon says cooly. 

 

Simon assumed this would be awkward, but crowley he wants to jump out of the window (or into Baz’s arms but that is never happening. Ever.) 

 

“I uh made breakfast if you’re hungry,” Baz said, shifting from foot to foot. Simon had never seen Baz this nervous or out of character since the first time Baz told him he loved him.  _ No! Do not think about that time right now.  _

 

“Thanks, but I think I’m just going to head off. Nice seeing you or whatever,” Simon says as he makes his way to the front door, ignoring the panic in Baz’s grey eyes. 

 

“No! I mean yo - you don’t have to leave, I - I would really like it if you would stay.” Baz stumbles, fidgeting with the hair in his face as he pointedly stares at the floor. 

 

_ I want to push his hair back so bad,  _ Simon thinks miserably. 

 

“That’s a bit rich coming from you isn’t it Pitch?” Simon asks rhetorically and icily. 

 

Baz visibly flinches and looks at Simon from across the room, eyes starting to well up. Simon is the one to look away this time, even after everything that has happened, Simon still cannot handle the image of Baz hurting. 

 

“Since when do you call me Pitch, Simon?” Baz asks quietly. 

 

“Since when do you call me Simon?” Simon asks confidently, though his insides are shaking. 

_ I should leave,  _ Simon thinks,  _ I need to leave before I do something I will regret like say I still love him. _

 

“Simon please I need yo-” 

 

“Do not say you need me Pitch! You are the one that walked away, remember that? Or are you still too busy living in your own world where the great Baz Pitch does not wrong hm?” Simon says, suddenly he is the one out of the two of them that goes for the lowest blow. 

 

_ How the hell did they get here? How did they become this?  _

 

“You weren’t supposed to let me walk out Simon! You were supposed to call me an idiot and stupid and grab me with both hands and not let me go!” Baz yelled, suddenly standing incredibly close to Simon, almost touching. Almost. 

 

“How the hell was I supposed to know that?! How was I supposed to think “ _ he doesn’t mean this he wants to me keep him _ ” when you were breaking up with me?” Simon yelled in Baz face. For the first time, he feels taller, more powerful as Baz sinks into himself. 

 

Simon does not like the feeling. 

 

“You know me better than anyone.” Baz said, looking into Simon’s eyes. Hoping for Simon to make a move, hoping for Simon to stay. 

 

“It’s been five years Baz, you’re nothing more than a stranger now.” Simon says as he moves past Baz, ignoring his face that looks as if Simon ripped his heart out and stomped on it. 

 

_ Good, now he knows the feeling.  _

 

Simon grabs his coat on the hanger by the door and leaves without looking back at the broken man he left behind, ignoring the pull in his chest begging and pleading for him to go back and kiss Baz senseless, to apologise for all the lies he just spoke. 

 

Simon simply leaves, and wonders if this is how Baz felt when he left Simon behind, if he felt this disgusting and awful. Simon briefly wonders how Baz could simply leave him if he did feel this way, but realises he is doing the exact same thing. 

 

The cold, wintry London air hits him like a freight train but instead of making him feel lighter, he feels heavier, numb, like he just lost all his air supply the minute he left Baz’s side. He sits on the steps of Baz’s building and rests his arms on his knees and buries his head in his arms and cries. He cries for himself, he cries for Baz, mostly he cries for them and what they both let slip away. 

 

**Baz**

 

_ I deserved that. I deserved all of that.  _

 

That is all Baz can think as he leans against the wall and slides down it, hiding his face in his hands so his empty flat cannot see the painful and stinging tears in his eyes that are beginning to slide down his pale and tired face. 

 

Baz can’t believe he let Simon leave his life again, he can’t believe he keeps letting him go in one way or another. 

 

They were meant to be each other’s light. 

 

_ I can’t let him go without a fight,  _ Baz thinks. 

 

That’s what Simon and Baz were good at, they used to fight against each other and then they started fighting together. Now, Baz is going to fight for them to be together again. He will not make the same mistakes he made in the past. 

 

Baz hastily rubs his eyes, now red but that doesn’t matter, and grabs his coat, rushing out the door in hopes to track Simon down somehow, hoping he hasn’t gone too far. 

 

Baz finds him on the steps of his flat. He feels him before he sees him. It’s always been like that with Simon. 

 

Baz feels the weight of the world lift off him and he allows himself to stare at the back of Simon’s head for a moment, just appreciating him for all that he is before he quietly sits down on the steps next to him. 

 

Simon lifts his head and looks at Baz who is already staring at him. Baz is frightened that Simon will just spit in his face and leave and that will be that. 

 

Instead Simon turns his head to look back into Baz’s building and then looks at Baz with a slight smile. It makes Baz’s heart flutter. 

 

“Is your breakfast offer still on the table?” Simon asks playfully yet nervously. 

 

Baz laughs slightly then looks down at his lap grimacing, “I kind of burnt the bacon.” 

 

Simon laughs and Baz has missed his laugh so much. 

 

“Want to go to Starbucks? Catch up maybe?” Simon asks. 

 

“What happened to me being a stranger?” Baz asks hesitantly. 

 

Simon flinches, obviously regretting saying that in the first place. “Think of it as us starting over.” 

 

Baz feels like he is on cloud nine, he is probably smiling so wide his fangs are showing but Simon doesn’t seem to mind as he smiles back. He always did love Baz’s fangs. 

 

“I’d like that.” Baz says happily. 

 

Simon reaches his hand out to Baz, not to hold but like a handshake. Baz is confused but returns the handshake anyway. 

 

“I’m Simon Snow, it’s nice to meet you.” Simon says. 

 

Baz laughs and looks at Simon fondly for a moment before responding; 

 

“I’m Baz Pitch. It’s lovely to meet you Simon.”  


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am hopeless at updating I know this well so thank you for your patience and I hope this chapter is worth it. It is a Penny and Simon focused chapter but everyone loves Simon and Penny! Next chapter I am already working hard on because much snowbaz feels in that so stay tuned!

**Simon**

 

“You saw WHO?!” yells Penny, her voice going static and robot-like through the laptop microphone and her video going glitchy as she makes crazy hand gestures to signify her shock at the bomb Simon has dropped on her. 

 

Penelope moved to America to be with Micah a year ago, after Micah came down for Christmas last year and proposed to her. Her moving there was always inevitable and Simon knew this, but not being able to see her every morning when he walks into the kitchen to have his cup of tea is still difficult for him. Especially since he had already lost Baz when she left. 

 

It was hard not to feel abandoned. Which sounds ridiculous coming from a 25 year old man, but it’s the truth. 

 

“Pen can you calm down please it’s not that big of a deal,” Simon tried to reason with her (though he knew it was a lost cause in itself).

 

“Calm down. CALM DOWN?! Simon bloody Snow if you do not think it is a big deal that you have reconnected even in the smallest of ways with someone, who you call in all your drunken states “the long lost love of your life”, after five years of silence from him, you got another thing coming,” Penny lectures. Simon can feel her anger and shock even with her being thousands of miles away. 

 

And Simon has never called Baz his long lost love of his life, thank you very much. Penelope is such a liar. Yep. 

 

“Okay first off, I have never called him that no matter what video footage you have that suggests otherwise, and secondly, before you go getting mad and threatening to cut his balls off for trying to break my heart again which I know you are about to say, we have agreed to just be friends,” Simon says this in one long breath which embarrassingly leaves him a bit light headed. He needs to go to the gym. 

 

Penny raises an eyebrow at him which is her way of communicating “Simon you are an absolute idiot and I can’t believe you said that.” He has received that look a plenty of times. Baz has a similar one. They are both prats. 

 

“Friends. Simon, really? That is the single most stupidest thing I have ever heard! You and Basilton can never be “just friends”. I mean look, you went from enemies to snogging each other’s faces off without even becoming friends on facebook first! There is too much between you two to ever be just that,” Penny says knowingly and quite disappointed at the straight up fact. Simon knows why; she does not want him to get hurt again because she was the one that had to pick up the pieces of Simon’s heart after it was shattered on the floor. 

 

“I know Pen. I know that Baz and I have a lot of history and I am not saying it is going to be easy. I mean you should have seen the fight we had after I woke up in his apartment,” Simon says, hoping it’ll ease Penny’s conscious. It doesn’t. 

 

“That’s what I’m saying Simon! After what? Five minutes and you got into a huge blow out! I don’t want that happening to you!” Penny exclaims.

 

“So are you saying you and Micah have never gotten into a massive fight?” Simon asks. 

 

“Well yeah -” 

 

“Are you saying you or him have never slammed the door on the other or ignored each other for several days?” Simon continues.

 

“Simon that’s not the -” 

 

“You and Micah have had some major blows from what you have told me. Need I remind you about the fact that you and him also broke up for a while?” Simon points out, feeling guilty for bringing up past wounds but knowing it will get his point across. 

 

“We broke up for one year Simon not five,” Penny tries to defend. But she knows she has lost.

 

“What difference does the time make?! How is it alright for you two to fight and break up and for Micah to leave you broken hearted yet still get back together, but it’s not alright for Baz and I to do the same! And we haven’t even gotten back together anyway!” Simon exclaims. 

 

Penny sighs, “You’re right. Fuck, okay, yes. Simon you are right, I’m sorry. I just worry about you, you know that,” Penny says, voice dripping with guilt and concern. 

“I know Penny, and I was the exact same as you are now when you told me you and Micah worked things out. I just need you to support me and be there for me with whatever decision I make,” Simon says, using his classic puppy dog eyes that always work on Penny…. and Baz.

 

“Of course I will Simon, you know I will,” urges Penelope. Simon misses her so much. 

 

“And please don’t be too hard on Baz, no matter how our friendship develops. No matter how hard you are on him he is always 100% harder on himself about it,” Simon says. 

 

“I believe he would be. He was always so difficult on himself,” Penny says sadly. 

 

Despite the messiness of their break up, Penny always had such a soft spot for Baz even if she did not explicitly show it. Simon would go as far to say that she cared for him almost as much as she cares for Simon. Almost though. She always put Simon first, especially after the break up. 

 

“I know I have never asked this and I feel awful that I didn’t, but did you ever speak to Baz after we broke up? Did you stay in touch?” Simon asks. Hoping that she would say yes, no matter what happened between them Simon never wanted Baz to lose the friendship he had gained with Penny.

 

“I did, Simon, of course I did. I’ll admit that when I first spoke to him after you separated I had a good yell at him, but as I was he completely broke down, Simon, and it broke my heart as much as it did when I first found you curled up in your bed clutching one of Baz’s jumpers. After that, I spoke to him every week and we caught up for coffee often. Though we have not spoken much recently, we spoke on the phone about a month ago, I’ve just been very busy with the wedding, I have hardly had time to chat with you.” Penny explained. 

 

“I didn’t realise you had spoken to him that much. I didn’t think you would,” Simon says, immediately regretting his choice of words when he sees the hurt in her eyes. 

 

“Simon I am not an awful person. You may have been my friend first and you know I would do anything to protect and be there for you, but he became my friend too, and I don’t have a great deal of those so when I get one I hold onto them, no matter the mistakes they make.” Penny says harshly, making Simon wince. 

 

“I know, I’m sorry I didn’t mean it that way. You have just always been so protective and mother-like towards me, and would destroy anyone who would hurt me,” Simon says, embarrassed about how his words make him sound. 

 

“You’re right I was, but we have grown up a lot Simon and like you said, you can take care of yourself. And whilst my loyalty for you has not changed, it’s about time that your big head shrinks a tad and realizes I have loyalty to others too,” Penny says teasingly. 

 

“Then why the hell did you give me such a hard time about seeing Baz again not even ten minutes ago?” Simon exclaims dramatically.

 

“Because I wanted to see you defend him again like you used too. I wanted to see if that fire towards him was still there. I’m glad it was,” Penny says, examining her nails in a way that says “Simon you know I always get my way.” 

 

“You are an evil minx, Penelope Bunce,” Simon says, his voice dripping with fondness towards his best friend. 

 

“I am well aware dear Simon. Now tell me, how was the breakfast date?” Penny asks intriguingly. 

 

_ “Simon, that is your fifth scone in ten minutes,” Baz says judgmentally, but the corners of his mouth were twitching, showing he was quite amused. _

 

_ “You know that I’m an anxious eater,” Simon says, cheeks going an absurd red colour. Baz had always had that effect on him.  _

 

_ Baz cocks his head the right, saying nothing, just watching Simon with a smug look on his face like he always used to when he got Simon flustered. That look alone made Simon shove nearly an entire scone in his mouth.  _

 

_ “You don’t need to be anxious, Simon,” Baz says reassuringly.  _

 

_ Simon rolls his eyes, “Please you love it when you make me anxious.”  _

 

_ “I never said I didn’t. But still, it’s a lot different now. I don’t want you to feel anxious because you are scared of us being whatever we are. All I want is to have you in my life, one way or another, and I do not want you to feel the need to stuff your face whenever we are together,” Baz says smoothly, as if he has been practicing the speech in front of his mirror. That thought should not make Simon more flustered.  _

 

_ “I - uh - oh ah,” Simon stammers.  _

 

_ “Use your words, Snow,” Baz says, but not in the same harsh tone like he used to. Instead when Simon looks at him, he sees the fondness in Baz’s eyes towards Simon’s failed word attempt, as if all he has wanted for the last five years was to hear Simon’s word struggle. As if he has missed it. As if he has missed him.  _

 

_ “I want us to be in each other’s lives too. I uh, um, don’t exactly know how to, but I want to try. Slowly,” Simon says, eyes never leaving Baz’s. Simon doesn’t think he would look away from them even if he could. He has simply become sick and tired of only being able to see them in his dreams.  _

 

_ “We will try and go as slowly as both of us need to,” Baz agrees.  _

 

_ The way he says “both of us” makes Simon look down guiltily at forgetting that even though Baz had ended things, he was hurt as much as Simon was, and he needs time to decide whether his heart can handle a second shot also. Simon promises to himself then and there that he will do everything he can to prove to Baz he is worth a second try. That they both are.  _

 

_ When Simon looks up at Baz again, they exchange sweet smiles, full of meaning, and Simon feels like Baz has made the same promise to himself.  _

 

“It was good Penny. It was like we had never even been apart,” Simon says with rosy cheeks and a heart beating for a grey-eyed vampire whom Simon will never stop loving. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it was worth the wait! Follow me on my tumblr: basiltons_charmed_life to ask questions if you have any, and thank you to my beautiful beta Cy who I love and without this would all be a grammatical mess.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo that was the first chapter and I know there was much angst and there will be more I'm sorry but at least snowbaz have reunited now!!!! Im hopeless at updating just fyi but i will do my best I promise!  
> My tumblr is Basiltons-charmed-life so feel free to pester me about updates there!


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